tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15694078343408907172024-03-05T16:53:53.526-08:00Joyful NoisyTriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.comBlogger171125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-17574908078115992002021-11-28T11:40:00.003-08:002021-11-28T11:48:18.464-08:00Activities for Advent (An Updated Master List)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF8RZ0I3ro5X3e4fWD-Bsm6BRhtfn1duOjIDrvbBbBmH0J32EQ7q-yiAq9tazuQSpMoevqwyAw1dNpk3WY6TRdfK-acgYx7cPg9p-2s07OSOuQFSMoceLY_A4y1jKnIv2KzhXjsznoRHEN/s2048/IMG_20201227_150639.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF8RZ0I3ro5X3e4fWD-Bsm6BRhtfn1duOjIDrvbBbBmH0J32EQ7q-yiAq9tazuQSpMoevqwyAw1dNpk3WY6TRdfK-acgYx7cPg9p-2s07OSOuQFSMoceLY_A4y1jKnIv2KzhXjsznoRHEN/s320/IMG_20201227_150639.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>I love doing an activity Advent calendar. Ours isn't super fancy, but it makes me so happy to have one special treat for every day of December leading up to Christmas. The trouble is coming up with a special treat for every day during the crunch of the holidays.</p><p>First things first: I assume that everyone's got some holiday traditions they love. I assume everyone's got a Christmas party or two to enjoy. And I assume everyone's got a list of holiday foods they're already going to indulge in eating. However, I'm guessing that most people don't have 24 special Christmas traditions to fill up all of the days in an activity Advent calendar, and most people also have probably got a few busy weeknights, where fitting in one-more-fun-thing between dinner, homework, and bedtime sounds overwhelming. With those assumptions and understandings, I have created a list of ideas to fill in those days of December which still need an activity. The following activities all fit 5 arbitrary guidelines:</p><p></p><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>They do not involve sugar treats.</li><li>They only require 10 extra minutes on the day you do them.</li><li>They can be done within a 100 foot radius of most families' homes.</li><li>The advance preparation for each activity can be completed in 10 minutes or less.</li><li>The cost of each activity is less than $5 (with a preference for free, although many activities assume you have certain items on hand).</li></ol><p></p><p>Without further ado, Activities for Advent:</p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Count down from 10 and plug in Christmas lights for the first time</li><li>Assemble a custom Christmas playlist for use during another planned activity (like baking cookies, or on Christmas Eve) </li><li>Play with or sculpt ornaments from homemade peppermint playdough (or store-bought playdough with peppermint extract added)</li><li>Have Christmas for animals (some possibilities: strew birdseed on the lawn, smear pine cones with peanut butter and hang them on trees with ribbons, give a new toy to a pet, etc.)</li><li>Eat dinner by candle light</li><li>Play "Reindeer games" by enjoying any game together (some possibilities: board game, card game, guessing game, word game)</li><li>Play a new "Reindeer game" online or on your phone</li><li>Use fancy dishes (or Christmas themed paper plates)</li><li>Write notes or cards for the stockings of people in your home</li><li>Make a Christmas card for a friend, teacher, or neighbor</li><li>Make or decorate gift tags for presents</li><li>Do a tiny decorating project (some possibilities: set up a nativity set, decorate a doorway, hang a garland, hang a wreath, hang up stockings, etc.)</li><li>Kiss under the mistletoe</li><li>Have a Christmas lights bath (some possibilities: string lights in the bathroom, put glow-sticks in the tub, use extra bubbles or peppermint soap, dye the water green with food coloring, etc.)</li><li>Dress fancy (some possibilities: put on costumes, wear antlers, paint nails, put on makeup, glitter everyone's hair, wear matching outfits, wear Christmas sweaters, wear paper crowns, etc.)</li><li>Stay in pajamas all day</li><li>Read a Christmas story</li><li>Tell Christmas jokes</li><li>Ask Christmas trivia questions</li><li>Have a sing-along (some possibilities: load karaoke tracks on youtube or spotify, play instruments, sing a capella, etc.)</li><li>Make snowman pancakes</li><li>Have a snowball fight (some possibilities: actual snow, crumpled tissue paper, cotton balls, etc.)</li><li>Have a dance party</li><li>Watch Christmas videos (Head to youtube and search "funny family Christmas" and you will find more options than you could possibly watch)</li><li>Have a tea party (some possibilities: use real china cups, cut regular breakfast/lunch foods into tiny shapes, serve a baked good, etc.)</li><li>Sing a Christmas carol for somebody else (some possibilities: knock on the door of a neighbor you know, skype Grandma, call Uncle Bill, sing in the lobby of your apartment building, etc.)</li><li>Make a Christmas themed art or craft project (some possibilities: paper snowflakes, wax resist with white crayon and watercolor paint, glitter pine cones, green construction paper wreaths with stickers, red and white paint, paint with a piece of an evergreen branch, ornament shapes with stickers or glitter and glue, etc.) </li><li>Make an ornament for the tree (some possibilities: paper chains, beads on pipe cleaners, scratch art, string popcorn, paint a wine cork and stab an unwound paperclip into it, tie strings to pinecones, etc.)</li><li>Color a Christmas themed coloring page</li><li>Play "name that tune" with Christmas songs</li><li>Have a Christmas themed photo shoot with props borrowed from the decoration box</li><li>Play catch or keep away with jingle bells or a plastic ornament</li><li>Search online for the most outrageous, ridiculous, useless, or expensive Christmas gift </li><li>Set up a present wrapping station </li><li>Practice your surprised and delighted faces (We put socks into a present bag and take turns opening them over and over, with each person trying to out-do the others in effusive praise. This is a useful skill for when the kids get disappointing presents in real life, but it's also <i>hilarious</i>.)</li><li>Make Christmas lists together (some possibilities: letters to Santa, wish lists, gift ideas for others, etc.)</li><li>Build a fire (some possibilities: in a fireplace, in an outdoor fire pit, with a bunch of candles, with a bunch of LED candles, DIY a pretend play campfire, etc.)</li><li>Have a Christmas scavenger hunt (some ideas: in your house looking for decorations you know you own, in your house looking for Christmas items you've hidden, with a flashlight in the dark, walking in your neighborhood looking at decorations on other houses, in the car looking at a lot of houses, in a magazine looking for pictures, etc.)</li><li>Brainstorm or look together for projects your family can do together to help others <br /></li></ul><div>If you've got more ideas for easy, inexpensive Advent activities please add them in the comments! </div><p></p>Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-90078998895270595302017-04-03T20:20:00.000-07:002017-04-03T20:20:23.392-07:00Mind readingIt seems like "I can't read your mind!" is a classic example of things couples say while arguing. It's true enough, I suppose, because nobody actually knows the exact content of another person's thoughts. It's a bit funny to me, though, because so much of what makes human relationships work is based on reading each other's minds. <br />
<br />
People rarely explicitly call it "mind reading," lest they be mistaken for talking about some super-natural ability, but as far as I'm concerned, predicting the responses of other humans to stimuli and discerning another's internal state based on external cues is absolutely reading other people's minds.<br />
<br />
My kids are certainly accomplished mind readers. They regularly know exactly what they should do, and how much of it, to produce maximum parental irritation, while still falling below the threshold of negative consequences. <br />
<br />
I, too, am a mind reader. I'm excellent at some kinds: I usually know what to say and how to say it in my papers to obtain A's from professors. I'm terrible at other types of mind reading: I love my sister-in-law, but when purchasing gifts, I have no idea what items might communicate my appreciation and affection to her.<br />
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I have even, on occasion, conducted whole conversations with my husband inside my head, and arrived at mutually acceptable solutions to problems based on the answers I imagined him giving me.<br />
<br />
Part of the problem with autism spectrum disorders is an inability to mind read. People with autism know what they are thinking, but they have difficulty connecting cues like facial expressions and posture to what <i>other </i>people are thinking. And they often have difficulty predicting what other people will think, especially when those thoughts are abstract rather than concrete. <br />
<br />
It's an interesting exercise to intentionally try to identify when you're mind reading, especially because it happens so often in our interactions, and being wrong can be damaging to our relationships. Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-5520838240453781972017-03-27T11:22:00.000-07:002017-03-27T11:22:02.467-07:00Two Minutes on Intersectional FeminismHey, it turns out I'm white. I'm pretty sure nobody's surprised by that revelation.<br />
<br />
It took me a long time to recognize that being white is not the same thing as being race-less, and that my happy color-blindness was really a manifestation of my racial privilege.<br />
<br />
Funny enough, it also took me a long time to recognize that a lot of the things I had internalized about myself as a female were really manifestations of the <a href="http://prospect.org/article/purity-culture-rape-culture" target="_blank">rape/purity culture</a> in which I lived.<br />
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I like to think I'm a pretty smart person, so realizing that I had lived for decades without recognizing the profound affects of racism and sexism on my life was a pretty big shock. Once my eyes were opened, though, it didn't take much for me to jump on the feminist and anti-racist bandwagons. <br />
<br />
For a bit of background here, the way that I read the Bible, it's pretty clear to me that all human beings are created in the image of God. As a result, all human beings have the exact same inherent value and are deserving of respect. Feminism and anti-racism have at their cores the same goal: for all human beings to be treated with equal dignity and respect, regardless of their individual differences. <br />
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Because I was becoming aware of sexism and racism at the same time, however, I found myself in a bit of a confusing situation. Because I am a woman, I have experienced oppression on the basis of my gender, but being white, I've also experienced a great deal of privilege on the basis of my race. I didn't know how to own my racial privilege while talking about sexism and fighting against it.<br />
<br />
Enter intersectional feminism, a term coined by a <a href="https://philpapers.org/archive/CREDTI.pdf" target="_blank">black woman</a> to describe the way that being black and female is materially different from being white and female. To whit: a black woman faces oppression for being black, for being a woman, and at the <i>intersection </i>of blackness and womanhood. The concept extrapolates out onto a variety of identities. The end result is a multi-axis understanding of identity, and the intention of fighting for human dignity and respect <i>on all of those axes</i>.<br />
<br />
There's a lot to unpack. If you're ready to dive in, here's a <a href="https://kclintfemsoc.wordpress.com/reading-list/" target="_blank">reading and listening list</a> curated by the King's College London Intersectional Feminist Society. Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-23393482180925608932017-03-23T20:16:00.000-07:002017-03-23T20:16:15.563-07:00"The Jobs of Tomorrow"I'm wondering, more and more these days, if "the jobs of tomorrow" are actually a thing. The school system where I live is pushing math and literacy so early and so hard because, they tell us, kids need to be "college and career ready" when they graduate from high school. But what's left behind in the exclusive focus on reading, writing, and calculating is much of what makes being human worthwhile.<br />
<br />
Everyone says they hate math, but what most people really mean is that they hate calculating. People generally like puzzles and patterns, though. It's satisfying to order and organize the world. It's also important to have basic math skills, because they're useful in everyday life. Shoving formal math education down the throats of 4 year-olds doesn't help, though. It just teaches them that they hate math. <br />
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Aggressive formal literacy education is no more useful. People learn to read because reading is important to them. Pushing formal reading instruction earlier and earlier doesn't create better readers. It creates readers who believe reading is hard and <a href="http://educationnext.org/much-too-early/" target="_blank">they are bad at it</a>. To encourage children to learn reading, we don't need to drill them on phonics and sight words, we need to give them time to be curious, a chance to see that reading will help them find out things they want to know, and opportunities to read.<br />
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People learn to write because writing is important to them, too. The fundamental piece of writing is not vocabulary, grammar, or spelling, although all of those things are good. The fundamental piece of writing is <a href="http://curmudgucation.blogspot.com/2017/03/the-basic-unit-of-writing.html" target="_blank">ideas</a>. To encourage children to learn to write, we need to give them time to have ideas, a chance to see that other people are interested in their ideas, and opportunities to write.<br />
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When we spend all of our schooling time doubling down on formal math and literacy education, we miss opportunities to learn to communicate through painting, sculpture, music, drama, humor, and diagrams. We miss opportunities to learn to ask good questions and to hunt for the best answers. We miss opportunities to practice collecting our own data, reaching our own conclusions, and sharing our own results. <br />
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All of the things sidelined by education are the things that allow us to make our own meaning.<br />
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And I'm not sure I believe in "the jobs of tomorrow" anymore. I'm not sure we can count on jobs and careers to provide meaning and direction to our kids' days. I'm not saying that jobs will disappear entirely, like <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yvs7f4UaKLo" target="_blank">this video</a> suggests. I'm sure there will be jobs. I just wonder how many. For most of human history "jobs" have not been a thing. People have always worked and had roles in their communities. but the current age of jobs, where most households function by one or more of the adults working full-time for a company for money to exchange for goods and services, is just a tiny sliver of human history. <br />
<br />
If school is trying so hard to prepare kids for jobs that aren't going to exist, what will they not be prepared for? What if our children have <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2aBKnr3Ep4" target="_blank">universal basic income</a> and a whole lot of free time? How will they fill their time if they've only ever learned sit down, be quiet, and practice your math facts? I feel for the children prepared to be the next generation of working stiffs if there are no jobs of tomorrow waiting for them.<br />
<br />Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-90378341131332477092017-03-15T20:41:00.000-07:002017-03-15T20:41:03.631-07:00Where I'm FromI'm a sucker for poetry. I can kill a whole evening watching spoken word poetry videos on youtube. The past couple of years when Uncle Erudite has come into town for Christmas, the two of us have gone to see the Sunday night poetry slam at <a href="http://greenmilljazz.com/" target="_blank">The Green Mill</a>, and it has been a wonderful time. <br />
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I occasionally write poetry, too. One time I even performed at a poetry slam out here in the suburbs, and I came in second (out of five). The guy who won gave me his prize because, in his words: "Your poem was the best of the night. And I don't drink red wine." <br />
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So when a blogger I follow <a href="http://bethwoolsey.com/2017/03/where-im-from/" target="_blank">posted</a> a poem by her son, which he wrote as part of a poetry unit in his fourth grade classroom, I cried all over my keyboard.<br />
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The idea came from poet George Ella Lyon, who in turn was inspired by a poem written by Jo Carson. All that to say, the template's down at the bottom of this post, and below is my take on it. You should write a poem with me!<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
Where I’m From</div>
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I am from patchwork quilts, from Nanking cherries, and freedom to roam.<br />
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I am from the grand piano with a cat sleeping on top. <br />
I am from many, many bookshelves.<br />
From novels, memoirs, science fiction, and cook books, all being read in the same room at the same time.<br />
I am from companionable silence<br />
I am from lively debate.<br />
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I am from the Mississippi river, the bluffs, the bald eagles, and the turkey vultures.<br />
I am from the Alberta prairie, the endless skies, and the nodding donkeys.<br />
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I am from Whole Foods for the Whole Family and an open invitation for anyone to join.<br />
From teacher, from pilot, from homemaker, from doctor, from musician.<br />
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I am from the know-it-alls and the win-at-all-costs.<br />
From quit whining and go play outside.<br />
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I am from our Father and let your kingdom come.<br />
I am from forgiveness and the whole earth being reconciled.<br />
From the Word, the mystery, and the joy.<br />
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I am from "It's an assumed name," from "We only know there was some kind of disgrace." <br />
I am from unflattering history, left behind in the old country.<br />
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I am from a cardboard battlefield, made and abandoned, <br />
Endless arguments over practicing and lessons,<br />
Breakfast with the Beatles,<br />
And an imaginary shirt that said "She may not be fast, but she sure is cute."<br />
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I am from a homemade aesthetic and years of missing photographs.<br />
I am from a blue book of someone else's memories,<br />
From half finished stories and a dozen tall tales,<br />
From a tree of a hundred branches.<br />
I am from silence, from words, and from music.<br />
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br />
<br />
Where I’m From (Template):<br />
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I am from _______ (specific ordinary item), from _______ (product name) and _______.<br />
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I am from the _______ (home description… adjective, adjective, sensory detail).<br />
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I am from the _______ (plant, flower, natural item), the _______ (plant, flower, natural detail)<br />
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I am from _______ (family tradition) and _______ (family trait), from _______ (name of family member) and _______ (another family name) and _______ (family name).<br />
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I am from the _______ (description of family tendency) and _______ (another one).<br />
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From _______ (something you were told as a child) and _______ (another).<br />
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I am from (representation of religion, or lack of it). Further description.<br />
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I’m from _______ (place of birth and family ancestry), _______ (two food items representing your family).<br />
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From the _______ (specific family story about a specific person and detail), the _______ (another detail, and the _______ (another detail about another family member).<br />
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I am from _______ (location of family pictures, mementos, archives and several more lines indicating their worth).Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-3583814112351998212017-03-13T12:44:00.001-07:002017-03-13T12:44:27.902-07:00Self-RegI just finished reading and would like to recommend <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/27774752-self-reg" target="_blank">Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life</a>.<br />
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It's not a beach read, but it's not as dry as it could be. And it's useful book for understanding the brain science of why kids behave (poorly) the way they do.<br />
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Ostensibly, it's an advice book, but the actual advice portion is really a fairly small chunk of the total word count. This is mostly because, while we all share certain fundamentals of biology and neurochemistry, every human being is different. A book that offers <i>techniques </i>to calm a child will be right for a given child under some circumstances and wrong for another child, or even wrong for the same child under different circumstances.<br />
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Instead of techniques, Self-Reg offers a philosophical framework and the scientific evidence for why this framework is effective in helping a wide variety of kids with a wide variety of behavioral problems.<br />
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A short summary of the framework is this: problem behaviors are very often a sign of disregulation, a child being in "fight, flight, or freeze" mode. More than learning self-control, which is a high order cognitive skill not available during disregulated periods, children need to learn self-regulation, so they spend less time disregulated to begin with.<br />
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The book details the functioning of mirror neurons in co-regulation within the parent-child dyad, which is the initial step towards self-regulation. It also discusses at length up- and down-regulation, or the work of returning to a calm and attentive state from a state of drowsiness or excitement.<br />
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Within the theoretical framework, the main advice of the book can be summarized in five jobs for the parent.<br />
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When the kid is having a meltdown, shutting down completely, or otherwise acting out of control, it's because they are disregulated. This means they are in a high arousal state without enough reserved energy to bring themselves down to a lower arousal state, and their make-decisions thinking brain has been overridden by their just-stay-alive instinct brain. <b>Your first job is to recognize that being out of control is not the kid's fault.</b><br />
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When the kid is behaving poorly, it disregulates you. This means you go into a high arousal state, and if you've got low energy, your thinking brain also stops working, and you're going to blow up or clam up and make the situation worse. <b>Your second job is to regulate yourself.</b><br />
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How to regulate yourself:<br />
Step one- Notice that you are becoming disregulated.<br />
Step two- Name the things that are stressing you. Review all five domains: biological, emotional, cognitive, social, and pro-social.<br />
Step three- Reduce the stressors.<br />
Step four- Calm yourself down with whatever works best.<br />
Step five- Reflect back on patterns so you can prevent disregulation by reducing the things you know deplete your energy, avoiding the things that increase your arousal when your energy is low, and seeking out the things that calm you.<br />
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<b>Your third job is to help your child feel calm.</b> Start when your child is not disregulated. Help them notice and practice the sensation of being calm. Your child should recognize “calm” as a state that is attentive, engaged, and relaxed. Seek out the situations, places, movements, and activities that result in your child feeling calm. Pay attention to all five domains: biological, emotional, cognitive, social, and pro-social.<br />
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<b>Your fourth job is to follow the steps for your child. </b><br />
Step one- Notice when your child is becoming disregulated.<br />
Step two- Pay close attention to patterns in disregulation so you can accurately name the things that are stressing the child. Review all five domains: biological, emotional, cognitive, social, and pro-social.<br />
Step three- Reduce the stressors.<br />
Step four- Help the child calm themselves down with whatever techniques work best.<br />
Step five- Reflect back on patterns so you can prevent disregulation by reducing the things you know deplete your child's energy, avoiding the things that increase their arousal when their energy is low, and seeking out the things that calm you.<br />
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<b>Your fifth job is to teach your child to do all of the steps themselves.</b><br />
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And that's it! Which is to say, now I've got the framework, so I can spend the next 80 years perfecting my technique.Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-68752720146986121132017-02-22T17:28:00.002-08:002017-02-22T17:28:59.554-08:00Meal Plan Wednesday Feb 22Wednesday- Roasted turnips. Roasted sweet potatoes. Baked potato bar.<br />
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Thursday- Brown rice. Broccoli, mushroom, and beef stir fry.<br />
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Friday- Salad with spinach, strawberry, red onion, bacon, and homemade vinaigrette. Salmon croquettes (my kids actually call them salmon cookies, which is a bit weird). <br />
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Saturday- Green beans with tomato and dill. Bread. Fried eggs.<br />
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Sunday- Black bean soup. Raw red peppers. Corn tortillas.<br />
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Monday- Sauteed Brussels sprouts. Pasta a la vodka.<br />
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Tuesday- Broccoli, spinach, and bacon fritatta. Cucumber and onion salad. Maybe bread.<br />
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<br />Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-45017052092967388522017-02-19T17:07:00.000-08:002017-02-19T17:07:05.173-08:00Retroactive Menu PlanYou asked me to give you my week's menu plan, and I agreed to start posting them again. Then I only planned two days at a time for more than a week, so I never posted anything. Here, by way of an apology, is the retroactive listing of what we actually ate for dinners. I'll try and get you a new meal plan for this week on Wednesday after I grocery shop. <div>
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Also, all three of my kids have had the flu, with one day of upset tummy followed by a whole week of fever. Z got it the Friday before Valentine's Day. V got it on Valentine's Day itself. And L got it the Saturday after Valentine's. So please don't judge my reliance on convenience foods.<div>
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Wednesday- Pot roast with all the usual veggies.</div>
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Thursday- Beef melts with leftover roast. Coleslaw.</div>
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Friday- Baked potato bar (sour cream, broccoli, cheese, butter, salt, and pepper), baked butternut squash.</div>
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Saturday- "Progressive dinner" using all of the library reading program coupons and the free fruit for kids club at our local grocery store (McDonalds fries, Pizza Hut personal pizzas, Sonic ice cream cones, and an apple, banana, or pear).</div>
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<br />Sunday- Vegetarian chili and bread.</div>
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Monday- Pasta with garlicky broccoli. Cheater's Eggplant Parmesan (recipe below).</div>
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Tuesday- Valentine's Day Picnic at the Chicago Auto Show. Cheese sandwiches with pickles and mustard, oranges, cucumbers, carrots, and heart-shaped boxes of chocolate.</div>
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Wednesday- Mexican rice. Fava bean soup, based on <a href="http://www.saveur.com/article/Recipes/Sopa-de-Habas-Fava-Bean-Soup" target="_blank">this recipe</a>.</div>
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Thursday- Vegetarian vegetable noodle soup. Bread.</div>
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Friday- Frozen pizzas. Chopped salad.</div>
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Saturday- Tuna melts, carrot sticks, marshmallows.</div>
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Sunday- Ramen with onions, celery, and peas. Apples.</div>
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<u>Cheater's Eggplant Parmesan</u></div>
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Slice eggplant reasonably thin.</div>
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Spread each slice with a spoonful of prepared marinara sauce.</div>
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Bake 45 minutes at 400 (you want the eggplant cooked to your liking at this stage)</div>
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Top each slice with a slice of cheese.</div>
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Return to the oven until the cheese is melted (about 5 minutes, or as long as it takes to set the table).</div>
Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-68871535855142521112017-02-07T18:40:00.002-08:002017-02-07T18:40:48.664-08:00Reading books againIt's funny: in the past six or seven weeks, I've been reading books again. My sister tells me I've been reading this whole time, because I've talked with her about books for years, but it hasn't been the same. <br />
<br />
I remember when The Hubby and I first moved to the suburbs, and we used to walk to the library two or three times a week, because the number of books I could comfortably carry home was smaller than the number of books I would read in seven days. I had at least two books in progress at all times, because sometimes I wouldn't feel like reading one, so I'd start another. I used to finish all those books in progress before they were due back at the library, too.<br />
<br />
Somewhere between Z getting old enough to not fall asleep in the stroller and L being born, I stopped reading like that, though. I would have one book going, and when it was done, inertia would pull on me, and I'd sit in front of the computer instead of starting a new one. I would check out books from the library and renew them until I couldn't anymore, and then I'd just return them. I still considered myself a reader, and I wanted to want to read, but I didn't want it enough to actually <i>do </i>it.<br />
<br />
A week ago, I realized I was reading again. Reading like I used to: voraciously, three books at a time, because every time I sat down I wanted to pick up a book. And the feeling it gave me was one of familiarity. Like, "Hey! I recognize you! You're me!"<br />
<br />
The next day, a friend of mine called. She was feeling weighed down by the challenges of parenting, and she told me she didn't feel like she was being the person she wanted to be as a parent. The more we talked, the more it seemed like her story mirrored mine. She used to want to do things in a particular way, but right now it's more like she wants to want to. Actually doing those things isn't bringing her the pleasure or satisfaction it used to, so she's letting them slide, and then inertia is dragging her down.<br />
<br />
I'm guessing we're not alone. Sometimes life is hard, and the workouts that used to energize you feel like slogs. Or the delicious food you used to love cooking seems like too much hassle and too little reward. Or you used to make art, make music, write poetry, write prose, volunteer, design, garden, and <i>do </i>things, which now you just don't. <br />
<br />
Take heart! Hard times call for hard pruning. We cut ourselves down to the essentials, so we don't break and die. If something is part of your root-deep self, though, it's not gone. It's hibernating, or dormant: on hiatus for this season. It's ok to recoup and regroup. And maybe it won't grow back the same way it grew before, but I am sure that part of you will flourish again, when the climate in your life is a bit more conducive to growing.<br />
<br />
Someday I know you will find yourself saying, "Hey! I recognize you! You're me!"Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-75621836854328633242017-02-04T16:50:00.001-08:002017-02-04T16:50:03.895-08:00Twix'n'ChipsI've noticed a phenomena in feeding children that I'd like to call the "Twix'n'Chips test." Here's how it works: when considering a food item for a child's snack, the adult compares the food item to a bag of chips or a piece of candy. The adult then decides that the item is not as bad as either the chips or the candy, and so they allow the item to pass as a healthy snack.<br />
<br />
Strangely, the Twix'n'Chips test doesn't usually apply the same way to meals. Adults have largely decided, it seems, that meals should contain meal items and snacks should contain snack items. So for snacks, kids eat mixed-berry fruit leather, which has some vitamins in addition to its enormous sugar content and chewy candy consistency, and Veggie Chips, which have carrot flour somewhere on the ingredient list. Then at meals, parents try to convince kids to eat actual real berries and carrots, and the kids don't. <br />
<br />
After a hundred repetitions, the parents can begin to lament that their kids are terrible eaters.<br />
<br />
I propose a solution: when assessing if an item is a healthy snack food, adults should apply the <i>exact same rules</i> they apply to deciding if an item is a healthy dinner food. Not "How does this compare to candy?" but "How does this compare to my signature roasted cauliflower with cheese?" And if the item doesn't stack up as a healthy dinner food, it's not healthy.<br />
<br />
I'm a pretty big fan of Dina Rose, who has both a <a href="http://itsnotaboutnutrition.com/blog/" target="_blank">blog</a> and a <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18079843-it-s-not-about-the-broccoli?ac=1&from_search=true" target="_blank">book</a> that are good reading on the topic of nutrition and feeding kids. She breaks down the categories of foods as "really good for you," "not too bad," and "junk." Generally, American parents tend to feed their kids mostly from the middle category, assuming that really good and not too bad foods can and should be grouped together. But if we want our kids to eat and enjoy foods that are really good for them, it makes more sense to group not-too-bad and junk together. So so any given day we are choosing either a piece of chocolate birthday cake or a whole wheat muffin, rather than both with the justification that the muffin's not too bad.<br />
<br />Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-50086684918645732682017-01-23T11:10:00.000-08:002017-01-23T11:10:49.407-08:00"Alternative Facts"I am irritated that the phrase "alternative facts" is being used to describe "lies." The concept of alternative facts actually seems useful to me, if it means factual information contextualized differently, rather than fabrications. <br />
<br />
There are lot of circumstances where opposing sides of an argument use the same set of factual information to uphold their position. Here's an example: Planned Parenthood says that only 3% of their services are abortions. They also say that they serve 2.5 million patients and perform around 300,000 abortions each year, which means that about 1 in 8 Planned Parenthood patients will receive an abortion. That means that 12% of Planned Parenthood patients receive abortions. However, the way Planned Parenthood crunches their numbers is by counting every service, rather than every patient, so while 12% of their <i>patients </i>receive abortions, only 3% of the <i>services </i>provided to their patients are abortions. So every woman who gets a pap smear, an STI test, and a breast exam counts for three separate services. And any patient who gets a pregnancy test, an abortion, and a birth control prescription counts for three separate services, as well.<br />
<br />
Alternative facts: it is true that abortion comprises only 3% of the <i>services </i>provided by Planned Parenthood each year. It is also true that 12% of Planned Parenthood <i>patients </i>receive abortions. It is also true that Planned Parenthood provided over 300,000 abortions last year. Heck, it's even true that Planned Parenthood <i>committed </i>over 300,000 abortions last year, if that's how you'd like to style things.<br />
<br />
Depending on the point that you want to make, you can use actual facts to support a variety of claims. There is no call, no call at all, for styling <i>lies </i>as alternative facts. Period.Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-39493196867059562202017-01-12T19:18:00.000-08:002017-01-12T19:18:05.571-08:00Diversity Isn't EnoughAn idea that I've been kicking around in my head and in conversations for a while now is the idea of diversity. Clearly, in a country with as many different people groups as the US, diversity is a good thing. It's good to have children's books with diverse characters. It's good to have many kinds of people in positions of power. It's good for everyone to see people similar to them represented in media.<br />
<br />
However, the majority of the Democratic party seems to have decided that diversity is not just <i>a</i> good thing, but rather that it is <i>the</i> good thing. The highest ideal of the mainstream Left appears to be diversity. <br />
<br />
I said in my <a href="http://joyfulnoisy.blogspot.com/2017/01/blacklivesmatter.html" target="_blank">last post</a> that all people are created in the image of God and deserve respect as image-bearers of God. Justice, respect, and full participation in personhood for all people is the goal we should be aiming for. And diversity on its own doesn't accomplish that. If anyone is making diversity their highest goal, they are falling far short of justice.<br />
<br />
Follow my logic: if diversity is the highest goal, a company with a black, female CEO and non-white people as 60% of their labor force is a paragon of virtue, even if they pay low enough wages that full-time front-line workers qualify for food stamps. If justice is the highest goal, it's clear that company is failing miserably.<br />
<br />
I am certainly not saying diversity is irrelevant. And I would be horrified to have my words used to justify ignoring the topics of inclusion and marginalization. However, excellent representation of minority business owners at the top of a morally bankrupt system that further enriches the wealthy at the expense of the poor is a meager kind of progress. <br />
<br />
We can do better.<br />
<br />
And justice for all.Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-85276533194910310762017-01-09T18:53:00.000-08:002017-01-09T18:53:22.886-08:00#BlackLivesMatterAre you still reading after the title? Good on you! In case you were not abundantly clear about this, I'm a white person, so I am not the expert on Being Black In America. There are, however, lots of really great things on the internet about Being Black In America. It is beholden on us, the white people, to pay attention to the experience of black people. It is beholden on us, the Christians, to work for justice for all people, especially those most marginalized. And in case the link between those sentences is not clear, black people are marginalized.<br />
<br />
Whatever our political leanings, we all need to align ourselves in agreement with the Spirit of God and say, "<i>All </i>people are created in the image of God, and <i>all </i>people deserve respect as image-bearers. All lives matter." And after we're done saying that, we need to stand up and say <i>explicitly</i>, "<i>Black </i>people are created in the image of God, and <i>black </i>people deserve respect as image-bearers. <u>Black lives matter.</u>" <br />
<br />
And, dear hearts, if it's <i>hard </i>for you to say "Black lives matter," take a deep breath and sit with that difficulty. <br />
<br />
It is ok to feel uncomfortable. It is ok to struggle. It is ok to admit that this racial-justice-thing is unnatural for you, and there are no easy answers, and you don't <i>enjoy </i>thinking about it, and you'd rather just focus on the positive and get on with your day. I validate your feelings. You are entitled to all of your feelings.<br />
<br />
But it is not ok for white people to sweep the issue of racial injustice aside and gloss over it because we feel bad. Black lives matter to God. Black lives need to matter to people who are following God.<br />
<br />
Are you ready to get to work?<br />
<br />
<a href="http://momastery.com/blog/2015/10/28/why-prejudiced/" target="_blank">On seeing the racist world that influences us</a>.<br />
<a href="https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/takeatest.html" target="_blank">A test of your implicit bias</a> for and against people who look similar and dissimilar to you.<br />
How about looking up your local branch of <a href="http://www.showingupforracialjustice.org/about" target="_blank">Showing Up for Racial Justice</a> to see what they're doing?<br />
<br />
<br />Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-72500086503676399512016-12-03T09:46:00.002-08:002016-12-03T09:46:51.394-08:00A story I tell my little familyOnce upon a time there were two grown-up people who loved each other so, so very much. They were so happy with so much love. <br />
<br />
One day those grown-up people looked at each other and said, "There is so much love in this family. Let's find another person to share it with." <br />
So the two grown-up people got together and made a baby. He had no hair, and no teeth, and blue eyes, and they named him Z. And all three people loved each other so, so very much. The mommy loved the daddy. The daddy loved the mommy. The mommy loved the Z. The daddy loved the Z. The Z loved the mommy. AND the Z loved the daddy. They were so happy with so much love. <br />
<br />
Every day the Z grew and grew. Soon he had hair, and teeth, and lots of words. And he still had blue eyes! One day, the grown-up people looked at each other and said, "There is so much love in this family. Let's find another person to share it with."<br />
<br />
So the two grown-up people got together and made a baby. She had no hair, and no teeth, and brown eyes, and they named her V. And all four people loved each other so, so very much. The mommy loved the daddy. The daddy loved the mommy. The mommy loved the Z. The mommy loved the V. The daddy loved the Z. The daddy loved the V. The Z loved the mommy. The Z loved the daddy. The Z loved the V. The V loved the mommy. The V loved the daddy. AAAAND the V loved the Z. They were so happy with so much love. <br />
<br />
Every day the V grew and grew. Soon she had hair, and teeth, and too many words, and she still had brown eyes. One day, the grown-up people looked at each other and said, "There is so much love in this family. Let's find another person to share it with."<br />
<br />
So the two grown-up people got together and made a baby. He had no hair, and no teeth, and blue eyes, and they named him L. And all five people loved each other so, so very much. The mommy loved the daddy. The daddy loved the mommy. The mommy loved the Z. The mommy loved the V. The mommy loved the L. The daddy loved the Z. The daddy loved the V. The daddy loved the L. The Z loved the mommy. The Z loved the daddy. The Z loved the V. The Z loved the L. The V loved the mommy. The V loved the daddy. The V loved the Z. The V loved the L. The L loved the V. The L loved the Z. The L loved the mommy. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAND the L loved the daddy. They were so happy with so much love. <br />
<br />
Every day the L grew and grew. Soon he had hair, and teeth, and very loud words, and he still had blue eyes. One day, the grown-up people looked at each other and said, "There is so much love in this family. Let's find another person to share it with."<br />
<br />
So the two grown-up people called DCFS and said, "If there's a person who needs some love, our family has a lot, and we'd like to share it." <br />
<br />
Since every time we share our love, the love just grows and grows, let's see who we can grow more love with next. <br />
<br />
<br />Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-66470682752175269962016-11-25T13:26:00.003-08:002016-11-25T13:26:28.560-08:00NOT Liking ThingsI talked a while ago about <a href="http://joyfulnoisy.blogspot.com/2016/08/liking-things.html" target="_blank">liking things</a>, and made it quite clear that I fully endorse liking all manner of stuff, and liking it in whatever way feels appealing to you. <br />
<br />
Today I want to talk about disliking things. I can't really say exactly that I endorse disliking, but I also have no strong objections to disliking. Basically, your feelings belong to you, and you're entitled to have whatever feelings you have.<br />
<br />
Let me be 100% clear about this, though: if you do not like something, your dislike belongs to you. All of your feelings belong to you. The good feelings, the bad ones, and the in-between feelings are all <i>yours</i>, and yours alone. The rest of the world exists as it is, and events occur as they do, but your <i>feelings </i>about all of that do not belong to those external things.<br />
<br />
If you do not like sushi, your dislike is yours, and it is not sushi's problem. If you do not like Justin Beiber's music, that's yours, too, and he can go on making formulaic, over-produced songs with total impunity. <br />
<br />
Even if your dislike is based on qualities possessed of the things you don't like, while the qualities belong to the things, your dislike does not. If you think beef tendon is gross because it's super chewy or the beach is awful because it's covered in sand, your preference against beef tendon and the beach are yours. <br />
<br />
Even if the things you dislike are objectively harmful, dangerous, or destructive, your <i>feelings </i>about them are yours. You are perfectly welcome to talk about the objective harmful qualities of a thing, and you are also allowed to talk about your feelings towards a thing. Both may be valid points in a conversation. But nothing makes your feelings become an objective quality of the thing you have feelings about.<br />
<br />
You own your dislike.<br />
<br />
This topic feels particularly pertinent to me today because 1) we just had a super ugly election here in the US, which left just about everyone feeling miserable at least some of the time, and many people feeling long-term miserable and 2) it's Thanksgiving week, which is the first in what often seems like a long line of seasonal obligatory-family-togetherness type holidays. It's really easy, in the face of tense circumstances, to act like our feelings about Presidential candidates or our in-laws are the same thing as facts about those people. They just aren't, though. The only thing our feelings prove is our feelings.<br />
<br />
My husband tells me I'm bad at writing the ends of blog posts. My husband is a pastor, and he likes to give a couple of nice clear application points at the end of every message. He says my posts so often feel like they're leading up to something, like at the end I'm going to tell people what to do, and then I just don't. <br />
<br />
I don't know what to say to that critique. I'm not going to tell you what to do, in large part because I don't know what you <i>should </i>do. Clearly I'm not saying, "Don't feel your feelings." I'm also not saying, "Don't talk about your negative feelings." Bad feelings are just as valid as good ones. Feel them, talk about them, even act on them. <br />
<br />
I am simply requesting that each of us own our feelings. Own them, and don't pretend they belong to someone else. Your feelings: your decisions. They belong to you.Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-77304655702885754362016-11-15T10:20:00.001-08:002016-11-15T10:20:04.423-08:00Bad Santa Today during lunch, V told me all about "Bad Santa." Apparently he comes at Christmas time to wreck havoc on the good children. A few choice details that V shared about Bad Santa:<br />
<br />
"While you're sleeping he smacks you in the head."<br />
<br />
"On Christmas, when the kids are supposed to be having fun, he stabs out their eyes."<br />
<br />
"He takes all the good kids away, and he leaves the bad kids behind to destroy the world."<br />
<br />
"While everyone is asleep, he crashes the reindeer into their houses."<br />
<br />
"If you take a nap, he chops off your ears."<br />
<br />
Merry Christmas!Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-45693187419585691722016-11-11T09:00:00.000-08:002016-11-27T20:42:34.894-08:00Activities for Advent (the Master List)I love doing an activity Advent calendar. Ours isn't <a href="https://www.pinterest.com/explore/homemade-advent-calendars/" target="_blank">super fancy</a>, but it makes me so happy to have one special treat for every day of December leading up to Christmas. The trouble is coming up with a special treat for every day during the crunch of the holidays.<br />
<br />
First things first: I assume that everyone's got some holiday traditions they love. I assume everyone's got a Christmas party or two to enjoy. And I assume everyone's got a list of holiday foods they're already going to indulge in eating. However, I'm guessing that most people don't have 24 special Christmas traditions to fill up <i>all </i>of the days in an activity Advent calendar, and most people also have probably got a few busy weeknights, where fitting in one-more-fun-thing between dinner, homework, and bedtime sounds overwhelming. With those assumptions and understandings, I have created a list of ideas to fill in those days of December which still need an activity. The following activities all fit 5 arbitrary guidelines:<br />
<div>
<ol>
<li>They do not involve sugar treats.</li>
<li>They only require 10 extra minutes on the day you do them.</li>
<li>They can be done within a 100 foot radius of most families' homes.</li>
<li>The advance preparation for each activity can be completed in 10 minutes or less.</li>
<li>The cost of each activity is less than $5 (with a preference for free, although many activities assume you have certain items on hand).</li>
</ol>
</div>
<div>
Without further ado,<span style="font-size: large;"><b> Activities for Advent</b></span></div>
<div>
<br />
<ol>
<li>Count down from 10 and plug in Christmas lights for the first time</li>
<li>Play with homemade <a href="http://artfulparent.com/2010/12/candy-cane-playdough.html" target="_blank">peppermint playdough</a> (or store-bought playdough with peppermint extract added)</li>
<li>Have Christmas for animals (some possibilities: strew birdseed on the lawn, smear pine cones with peanut butter and hang them on trees with ribbons, give a new toy to a pet, etc.)</li>
<li>Eat dinner by candle light</li>
<li>Play "Reindeer games" by enjoying any game together (some possibilities: board game, card game, guessing game, word game)</li>
<li>Play a new "Reindeer game" online or on your phone</li>
<li>Use fancy dishes (or Christmas themed paper plates)</li>
<li>Write notes for the stockings of people in your home</li>
<li>Make a Christmas card for a friend, teacher, or neighbor</li>
<li>Make or decorate gift tags for presents</li>
<li>Do a tiny decorating project (some possibilities: set up a nativity set, decorate a doorway, hang a garland, hang a wreath, hang up stockings, etc.)</li>
<li>Kiss under the mistletoe</li>
<li>Have a Christmas lights bath (some possibilities: string lights in the bathroom, put glow-sticks in the tub, use extra bubbles or peppermint soap, dye the water green with food coloring, etc.)</li>
<li>Dress fancy (some possibilities: put on costumes, wear antlers, paint nails, put on makeup, glitter everyone's hair, wear matching outfits, wear Christmas sweaters, wear paper crowns, etc.)</li>
<li>Stay in pajamas all day</li>
<li>Read a Christmas story</li>
<li>Tell Christmas jokes</li>
<li>Ask Christmas trivia questions</li>
<li>Have a sing-along (some possibilities: load karaoke tracks on youtube or spotify, play instruments, sing a capella, etc.)</li>
<li>Make <a href="http://joyfulnoisy.blogspot.com/2015/12/snowman-pancakes.html" target="_blank">snowman pancakes</a></li>
<li>Have a snowball fight (some possibilities: actual snow, crumpled tissue paper, cotton balls, etc.)</li>
<li>Have a dance party</li>
<li>Watch Christmas videos (some possibilities: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1nQpoAvTSg" target="_blank">Pentatonix</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_8foNzuFgY" target="_blank">Sesame Street</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kjoUjOHjPI" target="_blank">family video Christmas cards</a>, or <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbnmvS-lRAk" target="_blank">Christmas with a Baby</a>.)</li>
<li>Have a tea party (some possibilities: use real china cups, cut regular breakfast/lunch foods into tiny shapes, serve a baked good, etc.)</li>
<li>Sing a Christmas carol for somebody else (some possibilities: go knock on the door of a neighbor you know, skype Grandma, call Uncle Bill, sing in the lobby of your apartment building, etc.)</li>
<li>Make a Christmas themed art or craft project (some possibilities: paper snowflakes, wax resist with white crayon and watercolor paint, glitter pine cones, green construction paper wreaths with stickers, red and white paint, paint with a piece of an evergreen branch, ornament shapes with stickers or glitter and glue, paper chains for the tree, beads on pipe cleaners to make jewelry or ornaments, etc.)</li>
<li>Color a Christmas themed coloring page</li>
<li>Play "name that tune" with Christmas songs</li>
<li>Play catch or keep away with jingle bells or a plastic ornament</li>
<li>Search online for the most outrageous or ridiculous Christmas gift </li>
</ol>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-22939691570380043032016-11-01T19:38:00.000-07:002016-11-01T19:51:12.099-07:00In which V gets a nasty ouch V crashed her bike a week ago. <br />
<br />
We were taking advantage of the nice weather to do a family walk in the evening. It was starting to get dim, but we were aiming to be home before dark. She hit a bump hard and went over. Her mouth hit the handlebars, and her helmeted head hit the ground hard.<br />
<br />
She was bleeding profusely from her mouth and lip, and it was pretty clear a couple of her teeth were pretty mangled. Hubby handed her his handkerchief, which is somewhat nostalgically charming in retrospect, and we hustled her home in the stroller.<br />
<br />
My go-to medical adviser, was out of the country, so I spent ten minutes on the internet to find the phone number for our insurance's nurse hotline. Then I spent ten minutes on the phone explaining to three separate people what had happened. The third person advised us that yes, she should go to the emergency room, and no, we did not need any kind of pre-authorization for the insurance to cover that ER visit. Good to know. <br />
<br />
Four and a half hours later, she was back with two stitches in her lip and a visit to the oral surgeon scheduled for the next morning. <br />
<br />
The oral surgeon gave us the good news that she hadn't damaged anything permanent, but she did need two teeth pulled. She did not cope well with the needle for numbing her mouth, or with the extraction itself, despite the nitrous oxide. I don't do well with medical procedures, so I was trying to manage curious three-year-old L and comfort screaming, crying V all while feeling progressively more light-headed. My poor daughter was freaking out, and all three staff people in the room were looking at me, because of how white I had become. <br />
<br />
V couldn't pronounce half of her words for three days, because her lip was so swollen, so she was embarrassed to talk at all. She couldn't look at herself in the mirror, either. Anytime she went to a mirror intentionally, she'd hold her hand over her eyes so she couldn't see her face, and when she walked past and glanced at one accidentally, she'd jump and turn away.<br />
<br />
There were bright sides, though.<br />
<br />
Beyond the obvious fact that her injury was only a couple of stitches and two baby teeth, and not something worse, I was keenly aware of how blessed we are to have access to modern medical care. We have an ER and an oral surgeon to go to, insurance to help us pay for them, and money to cover what insurance won't.<br />
<br />
She's recovered so nicely, with no additional complications, and is now quite happy with her gap-toothed grin.<br />
<br />
I also loved having the opportunity to see Z demonstrate compassion. The morning after her accident, while V was still sleeping, Z and I were chatting over breakfast. He was mulling over some ideas about to help her feel better, and came up with giving her a note from the tooth fairy. He wondered if he could give her money, too, and I told him that the ER nurse had told V to eat popsicles to help her swelling. So Z wrote a note and gave V one of his hard-earned dollars.<br />
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V caught him sneaking in to put the envelope under her pillow. When she came downstairs she reported, "Z was trying to look at the note the tooth fairy gave me, but I saw him, so he said 'shoot' and put the note back under my pillow." <br />
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Also, today she got back on her bike.<br />
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Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-8682033863716865242016-10-17T13:16:00.002-07:002016-10-17T13:24:47.936-07:00Lovie Dovie all the time<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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There are very few times I've joined in on the trend of bragging about how much I love my spouse on social media. There are a couple of reasons for that. <br />
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First of all, it seems kind of fake to put on such an ostentatiously public display of affection. Surely our spouses know we love them. Surely we show and tell them in many ways in real life. Also, how many of the spouses lauded in these posts are themselves regular users of the platforms? An e-mail would accomplish the same communication to your love, without dragging in hundreds of bystanders. And those bystanders are going to, what? "Like" your declaration of undying affection? That's a little weird.<br />
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Second, so much of what makes my relationship with my husband beautiful doesn't translate well to public formats. I recognize that the richness of our history together gives context and meaning to things that sound unremarkable. I've been entangled with Hubby for longer than I was alive before I met him, so there are layers and layers of stories wrapping everything that happens between the two of us.<br />
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It's almost as if every interaction we have is based on an inside joke. You know how it goes when you're laughing with someone, and you turn to another friend in the circle and say, "You had to have been there." You could explain what just happened or describe the context of the original event, but it still wouldn't be funny.<br />
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I keep wanting to talk about things Hubby does or says that make my heart swell because of the joy they bring me. I often don't, though, because after I re-read them, I know nobody will understand. The <a href="http://joyfulnoisy.blogspot.com/2016/05/the-nicest-compliment.html" target="_blank">one time</a> I did publish a story, I cringed about it sounding all wrong.<br />
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I love my husband so very much. He knows me, and he understands me in the deep way that only long history and hard work can bring about. I'm exceptionally grateful that our life experiences have brought us closer together, rather than driving us apart. I'm humbled and thankful that the ways we've both changed have made us more compatible, rather than less.<br />
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None of that, however, distills very well into a Facebook post, an Instagram photo, or a tweet. Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-36092373292888524912016-10-05T20:30:00.000-07:002016-10-05T20:30:24.136-07:00In which I brag about V's musical abilities<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now I may be totally biased, but I think V is quite the budding musician. After hearing a song only once, she can often sing multiple verses days or even weeks later. She also loves to improvise songs, and her improvisations not only make sense melodically, but generally include recurring musical themes and rhyming lyrics, and often have a repeating chorus as well.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Today, V was swinging in the yard and singing about how much she loves the members of her family and why each of them is special. I only wrote down one verse of her song, so I can't tell you exactly what she said in each verse, but they were all followed an ABCB rhyme scheme and scanned to the tune she had created. There were at least six verses. The one I wrote down includes the two syllable diminutive of Z's name, so you'll have to fill that in for yourself:</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></span><span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Z-e causes climbing.</span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Z-e causes fun.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Z-e causes wrestling,</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> But Mommy shines the sun.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">How can I not eat that up? It's a rhyming, scanning, musically adept compliment to me, that includes praise for another one of my delightful children. Seriously awesome.</span></span>Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-3302505750373681532016-10-04T13:52:00.003-07:002016-10-04T13:52:37.459-07:00On cultural appreciationHey, white people! It's not OK to just cherry-pick individual elements of other people's cultures and use them to your own ends. That kind of behavior is called <i>cultural appropriation</i>, and it's totally unacceptable. Even if their stuff is <a href="http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/08/white-feminist-with-dreadlocks/" target="_blank">really cool</a>, even if it's <a href="https://changefromwithin.org/2013/02/21/racism-appropriation-and-the-harlem-shake/" target="_blank">just for fun</a>, and even if you're only using it during a holiday which is all about <a href="http://nativeappropriations.com/2015/09/repost-step-away-from-the-indian-costume.html" target="_blank">playing dress-up</a>, it is unacceptable to take elements of another person's culture, denude them of their cultural context, and use them for your own entertainment. Those things don't belong to you. Appropriating them is wrong.<br />
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"Hey, Tricia," I hear you saying, "I'm really interested in a specific kind of food/dance/art/clothing/etc. from another culture. I, however, acknowledge that I am a white person. I want to be sensitive to the people of that other culture, but I would also really like to dive deeper into learning about and enjoying their culturally specific food/dance/art/clothing/etc.! How can I do that without being an obnoxious white person and appropriating from the people of that culture?"<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Well, my white friend, I've got <a href="http://blacknerdproblems.com/fully-appreciating-culture-without-appropriation-a-guide-in-15-steps/" target="_blank">a resource for you</a>! </span><br />
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Remember, it is totally fine to appreciate other cultures! You should absolutely feel free to learn about and enjoy culturally specific elements of cultures different from your own. The key thing to remember, though, is that they are <i>elements of other cultures</i>, and your appreciation should include <i>respect for and understanding</i> <i>of </i>the cultures which originated those elements, and the context in which those elements developed. Let's work together on this one. Happy appreciation!<br />
<br />Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-41285522345261099472016-09-27T12:34:00.002-07:002016-09-27T12:34:37.813-07:00Kids in the NeighborhoodHave you noticed how in the past 10 years the entire US has adopted a "no child left alone" policy? The law in my state says that at age 14 a child is old enough to babysit, but the laws about appropriate supervision for children younger than 14 are intentionally vague. More and more parents seem to be interpreting that vagueness to mean that children under 14 should be directly supervised at all times.<br />
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Clearly, a newborn baby needs a responsible person within sight or hearing distance every moment. Anyone who thinks about it, though, will reach the conclusion that there should be some steps between the level of supervision appropriate for a newborn and the level of supervision appropriate for a teen one day shy of being legally capable of supervising a newborn. What those steps might be, and when they might be implemented, however, are a point of great contention. <br />
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The New York Post recently published an <a href="https://www.pressreader.com/usa/new-york-post/20160913/282106341097457" target="_blank">article</a> discussing research that demonstrated the greatest danger to children playing alone is "nosy neighbors." People who think children should never be left alone because it's "too dangerous" are those who cause danger to children by initiating spurious child protection services investigations and police encounters. <br />
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Yesterday, Z, who is a second grader, went to a friend's house after school. After the boys had spent some time there, the friend's mother texted me that the boys were going to walk the two blocks from his home to ours to play here. After 20 minutes, they hadn't arrived, so I went looking for them, assuming they had gotten distracted collecting crab apples or throwing pine cones. <br />
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Instead, I found my son running home alone, and he told me the story of their 2 block walk.<br />
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First, a neighbor walking to the park had stopped them and asked if they were allowed to be by themselves. My son's friend felt upset at her question, so Z walked him back to his mom, and the neighbor accompanied them.<br />
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The friend's mother calmed him down and sent the boys back on their way. On their second attempt to get here, a car stopped at the intersection they needed to cross, and the driver looked at the boys critically, so the friend gave up and went back home.<br />
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I've told Z drivers aren't always looking for pedestrians, even at a stop sign, so he usually waits for any visible cross-traffic to pass, even if he has the right of way. Because of this, Z was standing alone at the 4 way stop a block from our house, waving traffic on, when another person felt concerned.<br />
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A driver pulled up at the stop sign, rolled down their window, and proceeded to give Z the third degree. Their questions included at least the following: How old are you? Where are you going? Where is your house? Where is your mom? Does your mom know where you are? <br />
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At that time, <i>another </i>car pulled up behind the first. The driver rolled down <i>their </i>window and started shouting at Z: "Do you know this person? Why are you talking to them? You shouldn't talk to strangers!"<br />
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Finally, both helpers left, and my son was able to make it home.<br />
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We had a conversation. Most people aren't used to seeing kids playing outside anymore, so they feel concerned when they do see kids. Because you are just fine, I know where you are, and you are responsible enough to walk from one house to another or play in the front yard unsupervised, the appropriate response to a concerned stranger is, "I'm fine. Thank you." Say it sweetly the first time they ask you a question. The second time, say it with a slight edge. After the third question, you can make the words drip ice. Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-5802080851421367982016-09-23T20:30:00.000-07:002016-09-23T20:30:16.507-07:00Book Review: Like FamilyI recently finished Like Family: Growing Up In Other People's Houses, by Paula McLain. This memoir tells the story of McLain and her two biological sisters who were abandoned by their mother at age 8. They spent time living with their paternal grandmother, who didn't want to raise them herself; their father, who was repeatedly incarcerated; an aunt; and a series of foster families. The final foster placement- with Hilde and Bub Lindbergh and their biological daughter, Tina- lasted for over a decade. However, given the foster care climate at the time, it's unsurprising that that girls were never adopted.<br /><br />I would have enjoyed Like Family a <i>lot </i>less if I didn't have the experience and knowledge I've been blessed to acquire through my education and time as a foster parent. Something that brings both the content and the tone of this work into focus is this: quite often, children with difficult circumstances in their early childhoods will develop attachment styles other than a secure, warm, close attachment to their primary caregiver. Some children will have a full-blown attachment disorder, but more often, children will develop either an ambivalent or avoidant attachment style. <br /><br />There are a myriad of resources out there about attachment theory, but for the purposes of understanding McLain's narrative, ambivalent attachment usually develops in response to a primary caregiver who is <i>sometimes </i>emotionally available and caring, and other times is unwilling or unable to respond to their child with emotional connection. An ambivalent attachment style developed in infancy or early childhood carries on into later relationships, which often demonstrate characteristic push-pull behaviors. The child wants love and affection, but is unable to accept them when they are offered. As babies, they will cry, but refuse to be comforted. As they get older, they will reject or misinterpret demonstrations of affection.<br /><br />McLain writes Hilde as a block of concrete, unyielding and unloving. Hilde was German, so she probably wasn't demonstratively affectionate, but she opened her home to three girls who needed help and kept them safe there for a decade. She may not have rocked them to sleep at night, but she cared for those girls. To my reading McLain is an unreliable narrator. Her attachment style deeply colors her experience of her foster families, so that she can't see Hilde as anything other than cold.<br /><br />McLain herself admits being unable to ascribe motives to her foster parents. She can imagine some of them taking her and her sisters in for the money, and one foster father for worse reasons, but she can't imagine motivations beyond the purely selfish. Most of the foster families I know are involved with foster care because they want to help children from hard places. But McLain's attachment style is so deeply ambivalent that she can't admit warmth, love, or care as motivators for the people who raised her.<br /><br />Later in their lives, adults with ambivalent attachment stay emotionally enmeshed with their attachment figures. They feel preoccupied with those relationships, experience ongoing senses of anger and ambivalence, and tell vivid stories to reinforce their perspectives.<br /><br />I found Like Family to be a fascinating look at McLain's thought processes. I would hope that she develops more insight going forward, but reading her current perspective gave me a clear look at how ambivalent attachment can shape the outlook of a young person in care. Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-3510525855002261182016-09-22T12:21:00.002-07:002016-09-22T12:21:13.753-07:00Hey Baby, What's Your Sign?Uh, it used to be Cancer, but apparently it's Gemini now?<br />
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I don't care, but apparently a lot of people do.<br />
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<a href="http://www.refinery29.com/2016/09/123506/nasa-zodiac-signs-new-horoscope-dates">http://www.refinery29.com/2016/09/123506/nasa-zodiac-signs-new-horoscope-dates</a>Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1569407834340890717.post-52397836771758407182016-09-08T19:44:00.001-07:002016-09-08T19:44:08.161-07:00Extended nursingIf one, hypothetically, were to nurse their child beyond the American culturally normative 12 months, one might possibly find herself breastfeeding a verbal child. She might, then, experience hearing some unique sentences.<br />
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For example, an 18-month old child might call from the top of the stairs late in the evening: "Tricia! Tricia! Milkie!"<br />
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Or, theoretically, a 24-month old child might complain: "All done this side. This side slimy."<br />
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Possibly, one might even find oneself nursing a 30-month old, who despite hating cow's milk, might point to the fridge one day and say: "Want milk in here." Which could reasonably cause one to question: "You want milk from the fridge in a cup? Or you want mommy milk inside the fridge?" And in response, a mischievous child might joke: "Want nursing inside the fridge!" <br />
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Hypothetically, of course.Triciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16487206449863810237noreply@blogger.com0